It used to worry me that the hubster and I really didn’t seem to have much in common, when it came to hobbies and interests.
Every book or article I’ve ever read suggests that it’s important to enjoy mutual interests in marriage. I took that to mean that if you didn’t actually share any hobbies and interests, your relationship was likely doomed from the start!
Twenty-five years of marriage later, I’ve relaxed somewhat 😉 .
How Important are Mutual Interests in Marriage?
The hubster is a blokey bloke. He loves cars, boating, fishing, remote control cars and boats. He is also great at DIY, whether it’s fixing or making things; his idea of heaven is to potter around in his shed all day.
Meanwhile, I’m a girly-girl. I’m interested in things like shopping and fashion, social media, writing/blogging, gardening, jigsaw puzzles, crochet etc.
I don’t mind going fishing occasionally. Sometimes the hubster potters with me in the garden, or is interested in hearing all about my latest blog post. But other than that, there’s really not all that much that we have in common, on the surface anyway.
We still find fun things to do together, especially now our kids are off our hands – going for bike rides, hanging out at the beach, travelling, going to the movies (it’s a bit like dating all over again!).
With the wisdom of hindsight, I don’t think that having mutual interests is really all that important in the scheme of things.
What’s mattered more in our marriage have been things like:
- Courtesy, kindness and consideration – I knew even before I married my Bear that he was a thoughtful, kind and caring person in general – and not just with me. Hopefully I have the same qualities!
- Grace – being able to overlook our partner’s flaws, and cut them some slack when they are tired/stressed/having a hard time. For example, the hubster has been a bit lax about housework lately – but as he’s left one job, started a temporary one, and busy applying for permanent positions, I have just taken on the extra chores to help over this rough spot. And I know he’s done the same for me in the past, when I have been stressed or had a big deadline.
- Being able to have D&M’s (Deep and Meaningful conversations) – and even enjoying them. I’m lucky in this way. Many men don’t do talking, but I’m pleased to report my hubster is not one of them .
- Shared Values – we both have a strong work ethic, and things like marriage and fidelity, family, and faith, have always been important to each of us. We came from very different denominations – he was raised Roman Catholic; I went to a Pentecostal youth group. Although some of the folk at my church looked askance at Catholics (and his church probably looked the same at me); I knew long before we married that the hubster cared about God and what He wanted, and that was good enough for me. Our faith has burned strongly at some times and waned at others, but we have always been able to talk about these types of things together, secure in the knowledge that the other one really “gets” where we are coming from.
So when it comes to mutual interests in marriage – sure, it’s great if you have them. But I really don’t think they are as important as they’re cracked up to be …
Do you and your partner share common interests or are you as different as chalk and cheese?!