Mutual Interests in Marriage

It used to worry me that the hubster and I really didn’t seem to have much in common, when it came to hobbies and interests.

are mutual interests in marriage necessary

Every book or article I’ve ever read suggests that it’s important to enjoy mutual interests in marriage. I took that to mean that if you didn’t actually share any hobbies and interests, your relationship was likely doomed from the start!

Twenty-five years of marriage later, I’ve relaxed somewhat 😉 .

How Important are Mutual Interests in Marriage?

The hubster is a blokey bloke. He loves cars, boating, fishing, remote control cars and boats. He is also great at DIY, whether it’s fixing or making things; his idea of heaven is to potter around in his shed all day.

Mutual interests in marriage - Boy stuff

Meanwhile, I’m a girly-girl. I’m interested in things like shopping and fashion, social media, writing/blogging, gardening, jigsaw puzzles, crochet etc.

Girly stuff

I don’t mind going fishing occasionally. Sometimes the hubster potters with me in the garden, or is interested in hearing all about my latest blog post. But other than that, there’s really not all that much that we have in common, on the surface anyway.

We still find fun things to do together, especially now our kids are off our hands – going for bike rides, hanging out at the beach, travelling, going to the movies (it’s a bit like dating all over again!).

With the wisdom of hindsight, I don’t think that having mutual interests is really all that important in the scheme of things.

What’s mattered more in our marriage have been things like:

  • Courtesy, kindness and consideration – I knew even before I married my Bear that he was a thoughtful, kind and caring person in general – and not just with me. Hopefully I have the same qualities!
  • Grace – being able to overlook our partner’s flaws, and cut them some slack when they are tired/stressed/having a hard time. For example, the hubster has been a bit lax about housework lately – but as he’s left one job, started a temporary one, and busy applying for permanent positions, I have just taken on the extra chores to help over this rough spot. And I know he’s done the same for me in the past, when I have been stressed or had a big deadline.
  • Being able to have D&M’s (Deep and Meaningful conversations) – and even enjoying them. I’m lucky in this way. Many men don’t do talking, but I’m pleased to report my hubster is not one of them :-) .
  • Shared Values – we both have a strong work ethic, and things like marriage and fidelity, family, and faith, have always been important to each of us. We came from very different denominations – he was raised Roman Catholic; I went to a Pentecostal youth group. Although some of the folk at my church looked askance at Catholics (and his church probably looked the same at me); I knew long before we married that the hubster cared about God and what He wanted, and that was good enough for me. Our faith has burned strongly at some times and waned at others, but we have always been able to talk about these types of things together, secure in the knowledge that the other one really “gets” where we are coming from.

So when it comes to mutual interests in marriage – sure, it’s great if you have them. But I really don’t think they are as important as they’re cracked up to be …

mutual interests in marriage aren't necessary

Do you and your partner share common interests or are you as different as chalk and cheese?!

Snapshots from the British Museum

On the last day of our stay in London we had a tough time choosing between two possible sights: the British Museum, and Hampton Court Palace.

We knew each of these would need a day to do them justice; it was agony picking just one!

In our minds, the mummies and other treasures from Ancient Egypt were the main attraction at the British Museum, something we were both interested in seeing.

Hampton Court Palace was really only on my list, thanks to years of reading historical novels set in the time of King Henry the Eighth and thereabouts. Plus, I wanted to check out the maze!

Middle Aged Mama & Papa at the British Museum

So, the British Museum it was. (Yes, I regret missing out on Hampton Court … it’s top of the list for next time!).

To be perfectly frank, I was a little disappointed. I’m guessing that like most museums, they can’t display everything at once and so it wasn’t as big a collection of Ancient Egyptian artefacts as I’d hoped. Plus, there were a million school kids making it difficult to really have a good look, let alone get any decent photos. (The other challenge was getting a photo of items in glass cases, without reflections. Yup, definitely not a professional photographer – just a snap happy tourist 😉 ).

I’ll let our snapshots from the British Museum tell the rest of the story!

Snapshots from London: the British Muesum

We enjoyed checking out the sarcophogus section – what is the plural of sarcophagus anyway – sarcophagi? But were disappointed only to see a couple of mummies. Maybe they have to be kept away from light and crowds to better preserve them?

Mummies at the British Muesum

Mummy

IMG_6398

Mummy at British Museum

We saw Egyptian art and artefacts galore. Of course the Ancient Egyptians loved cats too and even mummified them (Miss Fleur would be horrified)!

Ancient Egyptians loved cats

Ancient Egyptian artwork

From Ancient Egypt

But basically it was all heiroglyphics to me …

Egyptian art

Now just in case you think the British Museum is only about Ancient Egypt, we wandered through a few of the other galleries, where we saw the Rosetta Stone, displays of clocks through the ages, the Lewis chess set, and this gorgeous old cash register:

It's not just Ancient Egypt

Never heard of the Lewis chessmen? No, we hadn’t either. These medieval pieces were re-discovered on the Isle of Lewis in Scotland in 1831. The game of chess is clearly centuries old!

Lewis chessmen closeup

The Rosetta Stone:Rosetta Stone

We finished off our visit with a delicious cream tea …

Cream tea at the British Museum

… which I ended up wearing on my face. Just can’t take me anywhere LOL!

Can't take me anywhere!

So which one would you have chosen – the British Museum, or Hampton Court Palace?!

Do you Kiss your Children on the Lips?

I’ve never felt quite comfortable kissing my children on the lips.

My preference was always to kiss their cheeks or the top of their heads or toes or … anywhere except their lips. When Miss 18 was small, we had a tradition where as I towel-dried her after a bath, I would always drop a kiss “on her button nose”, something she still remembers to this day.

kissing on the nose

There was the odd time when my kids would offer me a peck on the lips and I accepted it, because I felt to turn my head aside so it landed on my cheek, would hurt their feelings. (The only exception – when they were babies and would offer up a goldfish kiss. You know, big open mouth pointed in your direction. Too funny!)

But apparently now some doctor is claiming that to kiss your children on the lips is way too sexual.

do you kiss your children on the lips

Now, while personally *I* am not comfortable with it, I think that is more about *my* hangups than my kids’. When I was about 11 or 12, my stepfather slipped his tongue in (ewww!) when tucking me into bed one night. Now THAT’S too far. Funnily enough I started putting myself to bed from that day on …

I still love to give my kids hugs and kisses, and by all indications, they seem to enjoy it (but not in front of others thanks very much) – in fact sometimes they even come and ask for a hug. I kiss Mr 21 on the cheek sometimes when I give him a hug. I’ve been known to kiss the back of Miss 18’s neck when her hair is tied up, when I’ve walked up behind her for a quick hug.

However, I definitely wouldn’t be comfortable kissing them on the lips now. I watched the movie “Meet Joe Black” on the weekend and noticed that the main character, played by Sir Anthony Hopkins, kissed both of his adult daughters on the lips, which made me cringe a little … but maybe some folk think that is okay?

As far as kissing your kids on the lips when they are small, I think it’s a bit like the great smacking debate. As I’ve written before, I believe there is a right and a wrong way to smack. And so it is with kissing. There is a right and a wrong way to kiss a child. A peck on the lips – if that’s what you’re comfortable with – is fine. Slipping a tongue in? NOT FINE.

How about you? Do – or did – you kiss your children on the lips? Do you still hug and kiss them once they’re grown?

Linking up with Essentially Jess for IBOT.