I used to hate it when people would say, “Just wait til your kids are teenagers!”
What a negative outlook! There was no way I was taking that on board. Teenage years are the hardest? Pffffft. Not in our family!
I was confident we had done our best with raising our kids: plenty of hugs, home cooked meals, stories read aloud, holidays and adventures, discipline when required, help with homework, swimming lessons, encouragement, and most of all, parents who loved them to bits.
We had great relationships with each of our children. In fact, watching home movies recently, Miss 19 commented: “Gee you guys handled us well!” (They got a good giggle out of watching their younger selves being grumpy or naughty!)
We were set to sail through the teenage years!
Or so I thought …
Why are the Teenage Years So Hard?
I think the reason that the teenage years are the hardest, boils down to one thing: control.
When our children are tiny, Mum and Dad are EVERYTHING to them. With teenagers, it’s the opposite. Friends, TV, computer, teachers – in fact, anything and everything – has more influence over them than we do as parents.
Teenagers tend to snatch the reins of their own lives out of parental hands – and usually long before we are ready for it! Around 14 or 15 seems to be the worst time, when we are relegated to the back seat of the sleigh, dragged along in their wake, to watch with dismay as they race into the future, helter skelter, taking wrong turns.
One moment we are besties; the next, we are the enemy (although one good thing came of this; having their parents as a common enemy brought our kids together as friends!).
And yet – our kids are pretty good – and I think we got off lightly!
Mind Games vs Busy Little People
There is no doubt babies are hard work, and sleep deprivation takes its toll.
Toddlers are such busy little people, and don’t forget the tantrums – it can be quite a tough time in the parenting journey!
If you are lucky, you might have a few years of respite – although homework can be a bit of a nightmare once you have a child at school.
With teenagers, it’s all mind games. They will do your head in.
There will also be times when they break your heart.
Now that we’ve been through it, I understand why people say that the teenage years are the hardest.
It’s because they are.
However …
I’m here to tell you: This too shall pass. Even the hardest teenager will eventually grow up! And you know what? They turn into human beings again 🙂 .
Why do you think the teenage years are the hardest for parents?!
Linking up with Kylie Purtell because I Blog On Tuesdays.
Nicole @ The Builder's Wife says
Great post! Not sure why they are the hardest, perhaps it’s all the rebelling, and the extension of their own personalities. We had it pretty easy with our daughter 20, now we have the other four to go and at 15, 14, 13 and 12, we still have a long way to go 🙂
Melissa says
Yep definitely the hardest most challenging rewarding journey. Hard because often you see a glimpse of you which is why sometimes you clash. It’s very hard to let them go to let them make mistakes trust them and step back so they benefit in the future.
It’s lucky they become good adult human beings lol
Same time as I’ve taught them I’ve learnt a lot as well
The reward for not strangling them over the years ??
Theresa says
Definitely the hardest. On everyone! My daughter and I were reflecting on that dreadful time and at 17 she expressed that those years were pretty tough on her too. My friends and family were shocked at the good girl-bad girl transformation. As for peer pressure, she was the bad peer! Talk about questioning and doubting all your best parenting instincts. Ouch!! And how did I suddenly transition from the normal, responsible parent to the parent recieving phone calls from the hospital to say that my son was found passed out drunk on a suburban footpath at 6pm. Huh? I did tell my kids that whatever roller coaster ride they were hell bent on taking I was coming too, and I ain’t letting go. It’s my job.
Now they are fully adjusted, responsible young adults. Still not sure if it was good luck or good management. A bit of both maybe.
Ingrid @ Fabulous and Fun Life says
My twins are 16 and my youngest is 13. I was a bit scared to click and read this post but forewarned is forearmed! And it sounds like it all works out well in the end once the hormones settle down!
Jody at Six Little Hearts says
OMG YES! Teenagers are giant toddlers. They’re impossible to relate to on every level and will actively resist anything you say. I find the 13-15 year age group most difficult. I am sad that my divine 12 year old will move into this period next year. I will have to hold my breath and wait.
Melinda says
My sisterinlaw is constantly saying “Just you wait til they’re teenagers!” in regards to any comment I might make about my little ones. Drives me crazy! But I get it- teenagers are cranky half-grown chickens who simply don’t want to be in the nest anymore. I’m not looking forward to it!
Deborah says
I have to say – I always wanted kids – but when I come across parents with challenging kids I’m sometimes relieved.
Seana Smith says
I hear you, Mumma. I have two who are 10 and think we are great, then Mr16 who knows everything – just ask him… our Mr19 is a boy-man as he has additional needs…. and our Teen16 is the bad influence on his peers… but all is not lost and we have faith it’ll all come good in time. Patience and not taking the bait are so vital – and hard!
Hugzilla says
NOT LISTENING NOT LISTENING NOT LISTENING NOT LISTENING….. Gah! Parenting, mate. So bloody hard!
Maxabella says
I’m actually sobbing a little reading this, Janet. We are on the verge of our eldest two hitting puberty / teenagerdom and I am so scared because it’s been so hard ALREADY. BUT, solider on we must. It’s just what parents do, right? x
Denyse Whelan Blogs says
Yep. Teenage hood changes the dynamic between the parents and the kids …because it is MEANT to! We are wired for this change of dependence and need to find out about life for ourselves but in the meantime we (adults) live in the environment with the changing brain, hormones and bodies of people we barely recognise. For some it is an easier transition than others. I found it hard(er) with one kid than another. It is part of LIFE but hey, that doesn’t make it any easier nor understandable. Brain development is now known the take almost 10 years from around puberty.
Denyse Whelan Blogs says
Oops so keen to comment forgot this! Denyse #teamIBOT
JF Gibson says
I think they are the hardest because they are trying to find out who they are in a world that is constantly telling them who they should be.
We’ve had a pretty good run. Miss 18 was/is a model teen and we are very proud of that. Miss 16 has been a little more hard work at times, but generally nothing too out of the box. They are both my stepkids, so I think all 4 parents have done a wonderful job. As for Miss 10 and Miss 8 – I have a feeling they will try us a little more!
Kirsty @ My Home Truths says
With a 12 yo and nearly 11 yo on our hands, we are preparing ourselves as best we can!!!!!
Raych says
In hindsight we sailed through the younger years and I thought we would continue to do so. I now have 3 teens, 15, 16 & just turned 18. It is still smooth sailing for the most part but yes control comes into play, especially for the eldest and there have been moments that have given me grief.
I honestly think it doesn’t matter what stage of parenting you are in, that stage is always the hardest. Parenting doesn’t really get any easier, it just changes.
Ness says
It hasn’t been too bad for us so far. But next year our eldest is 16 so then he can start learning to drive. I’m sure I won’t get much sleep then. And we haven’t had any girlfriends (that we know of) yet, so we’ll see….
Tracy says
I am going completely against the grain here – I’ve loved having teenagers. Mine haven’t been perfect or easy the whole time, but they are really good kids and I wouldn’t swap this season for anything. Don’t get me wrong. I loved having littles in our house and my bigs have managed some monumental mistakes. But as we’re heading out the other end into parenting baby adults I am really happy to have my teenagers.
I just don’t subscribe to the idea that teenagers have to be difficult.
We’ve just spent a weekend away with some friends, and their friends, most of whom we didn’t know before the weekend. What we got to enjoy was a whole bunch of kids around the same age as ours who are pretty much just like ours. Amazing, kind, funny, connected with their families, loving…. Teenagers can be awesome.
Beth | AlmostPosh.com says
Holding out hope we have landed “one of the good ones”
Ashleigh says
I think it is so hard for parents these days. SO HARD. With Facebook and the internet and all those things us 80s kids didn’t have. I’m sticking to the fur babies.
Brave Bohemian says
I am studying to be an Art Therapist and we have just finished looking at the teenage brain. Did you know that they have discovered that the teenage brain goes through a pruning and reconstruction? Fascinating stuff and explains a lot of behaviour! I officially have my first teenager. ?
Janet Camilleri says
Yes, and the parts of the brain that responsible for rational behaviour are not yet fully developed, while the reward centres – wanting a quick hit – are lit up like Christmas trees. Aye karumba! Art therapy sounds fascinating, would love to know more! And all the best with raising your teens and future teens x